Kamala

Dear Journal,

I have left Gotama, I don't know where I'm going or who I'm going to meet. I've been walking in the forest for hours and hours now. Suddenly I hear this voice in my heart commanding me to seek rest under this tree. I obey the voice and lay down under the tree and fall into a deep sleep. When I woke up I asked the ferryman to take me across the river. The ferryman agreed to take me on his bamboo raft. When we got to the other side I had nothing to pay the ferryman with. But the ferryman did not expect any payment from me, he said I would give it to him some other time. I thanked him and got off. At midday I passed through a village, there were kids running around, shouting and wrestling with each other. At the end of the village there was a path alongside a brook and at the end of the brook there was a young women kneeling and washing clothes. I smiled at her and she smiled back and asked him if he had eaten. I hadn't replied when she placed her left foot on my right and made a gesture, inviting me to a kind enjoyment of love. I hesitated for a moment, then I heard an inward voice say "No!" Then all the magic disappeared and i felt nothing for her. I went stroked her cheek and walked away. I continued walking and reached a large town, then suddenly an ornamented sedan chair carried by four people passed by me. In it sat a beautiful mistress, on red cushions beneath a colored awning. She smiles at me and my heart stops. After seeing this beautiful mistress known as Kamala, I set a goal to find her. I bath in the river, get my hair cut and oiled from friendly barber and I set out to find her. I go into the forest where I finally find Kamala. I ask her if she can teach me the art of love. I soon learn though that I will learn nothing until I return wearing fine clothes and have bearing gifts. She then helps me by recommending me to her friend Kamaswani, a wealthy business man. After getting a job, I go back in search for Kamala. When she sees the changes I've made she finally accepts to teach me the art of love. We have been spending a lot of time together now that she agreed to teach me the art of love and each day I fall deeper and deeper in love with her.

Awakening

Dear Journal,

I've left Govinda and the Perfect One, but why could I not join them? His teachings were great and sensible, but why could I not accept them? I'm thinking about it as I wander in the forest, getting further and further away from where I left my best friend. I suppose I've come to the point where I do not want a teacher anymore, I want to teach myself. I want to experience everything, I want to overcome myself, especially my ego. I know that I am different than everyone else, the normal people, yet I know so little of myself. I must find myself, I must learn the mystery of Siddhartha. I am no longer a boy from here on out. I am now a man, alone on my own quest. From now on, I'm on my own. Everything has its own glow now, I've never noticed what vivid colors lie within the forest. It's so beautiful here, this is certainly a great place to start my journey.

Gotama

Dear Journal,

When we first arrived at the Jetavana grove, surrounded by monks, I immediately knew which one was the perfect one. Govinda and I went to go listen to the teachings of the Illustrious one and those words intrigued him so much that he decided to follow the perfect one. While I thought his teachings were inspiring, they did not satiate my thirst for further knowledge on attaining enlightenment. I asked the Buddha for advice about what I should do since even his words were not enough for me. He told me to follow my instincts and to be careful with both my ceaseless thirst for knowledge and my cleverness. After our conversation, I took my leave and lost myself in the woods.

With the Samanas

Dear Journal,

Now I have left my home, I am with Govinda and the samanas. We hardly eat, we walk from the forest into villages begging for food. We only eat once a day and fast for 14 days. i have been learning much about self denial and meditation, and with this knowledge I want to become empty of everything. I wanted to let the self die because when there is no longer self the great secret of life is left. Although I have learned this, I still haven't found what I am looking for. So Govinda and I are leaving with the blessing of the eldest samana. Govinda heard earlier throughout the day that Gotama, the Buddha, was near and that he wanted to seek him out to hear his teachings.

The Brahmin's Son

Dear Journal,

Today when I was meditating with Govinda, I decided that I am going to leave the Brahmins in order to seek enlightenment. I saw that the samanas are in town and asked my dad if I could go with them. At first he just looked at me and said nothing so I stood there for like 10 hours! After seeing me stand there for such a long time he realized that I really wanted to go so he gave his consent for me to go. The next morning, as I was leaving, Govinda came and told me that he wanted to go with me. So we left together to find the group of ascetics to ask if we could join them.