Govinda came back to me again along the river. He also did not recognize me again. He had come to ask for advice from myself on how to enlightenment. I told him that he is trying ti hard and is too focused on that one sole goal. I called him by name and smiled although he had not yet told me his name. He then realized who I was and asked me how I attained my own gleam of enlightenment. He wants me to teach him all that I have learned. On Govinda's first night with me, I told him about the knowledge that I had learned but that I could not tell him all of it. Enlightenment and wisdom cannot be passed on by word of mouth. You must experience it on your own. Some may teach it like the Buddha, but you cannot fully obtain it unless you truly experience it. I also told him that every truth has an opposite one. They are like paradoxes. I told him my love for the world for how it is, as it is, and however it shall be. It was a wish I had and has now become more of a reality. Govinda asked if I had anything else helpful to tell him because he is older than me and does not have much time left to gain the understanding that I have come to attain. I told him to kiss my forehead, he did and through that kiss did I send him images and other information that I had learned from the river. Govinda afterward began to cry tears of joy because he had come to know that both him and his best friend have now found what they have been looking for since they were young. About Me
- Siddhartha
- I am at peace, with the world around me and myself. I have found enlightenment. It took me sometime, but I found it. I am a ferryman and live in a hut alongside a river. Govinda has also found it too, he is my dearest friend.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Govinda
Dear Journal,
Govinda came back to me again along the river. He also did not recognize me again. He had come to ask for advice from myself on how to enlightenment. I told him that he is trying ti hard and is too focused on that one sole goal. I called him by name and smiled although he had not yet told me his name. He then realized who I was and asked me how I attained my own gleam of enlightenment. He wants me to teach him all that I have learned. On Govinda's first night with me, I told him about the knowledge that I had learned but that I could not tell him all of it. Enlightenment and wisdom cannot be passed on by word of mouth. You must experience it on your own. Some may teach it like the Buddha, but you cannot fully obtain it unless you truly experience it. I also told him that every truth has an opposite one. They are like paradoxes. I told him my love for the world for how it is, as it is, and however it shall be. It was a wish I had and has now become more of a reality. Govinda asked if I had anything else helpful to tell him because he is older than me and does not have much time left to gain the understanding that I have come to attain. I told him to kiss my forehead, he did and through that kiss did I send him images and other information that I had learned from the river. Govinda afterward began to cry tears of joy because he had come to know that both him and his best friend have now found what they have been looking for since they were young.
Govinda came back to me again along the river. He also did not recognize me again. He had come to ask for advice from myself on how to enlightenment. I told him that he is trying ti hard and is too focused on that one sole goal. I called him by name and smiled although he had not yet told me his name. He then realized who I was and asked me how I attained my own gleam of enlightenment. He wants me to teach him all that I have learned. On Govinda's first night with me, I told him about the knowledge that I had learned but that I could not tell him all of it. Enlightenment and wisdom cannot be passed on by word of mouth. You must experience it on your own. Some may teach it like the Buddha, but you cannot fully obtain it unless you truly experience it. I also told him that every truth has an opposite one. They are like paradoxes. I told him my love for the world for how it is, as it is, and however it shall be. It was a wish I had and has now become more of a reality. Govinda asked if I had anything else helpful to tell him because he is older than me and does not have much time left to gain the understanding that I have come to attain. I told him to kiss my forehead, he did and through that kiss did I send him images and other information that I had learned from the river. Govinda afterward began to cry tears of joy because he had come to know that both him and his best friend have now found what they have been looking for since they were young. 
Om
Dear Journal,
I feel sadness with the loss of my son. It brings me pain, I've been thinking so much about it. I've come to realize that how he left me is similar to how I left my father. This is proof that sad events cannot be prevented in life and may be hereditary. I can now understand my son and father's pain along with my own. I accept this, for all of it. I've now come to peace in my heart about it. I told Vasudeva about all of this, about how I feel, and he sympathized with me. It seemed like he could share my pain. His reaction reminds me of the Buddha because he is always so calm, has peace within himself, is wise, and is always enlightened by all things. He can also be a god in my perspective. He has taught me to listen to the river more carefully. You can hear so much from it. Sounds of happiness, sadness, goodness, and evil, but in the end they all come together to make the one word Om. I can now see that my voice is with the others, and it is part of something bigger than myself. I now know what my purpose is in this world, I no longer have any doubts about it. My face is now more like Vasudeva's than I could imagine and there is a twinkle in my eye that indicates knowledge. Vasudeva saw this just as I did and told me that he's been anticipating this. After he said this, he left, going inside the forest behind us. He told me as he left that I alone am now the sole ferryman.
I feel sadness with the loss of my son. It brings me pain, I've been thinking so much about it. I've come to realize that how he left me is similar to how I left my father. This is proof that sad events cannot be prevented in life and may be hereditary. I can now understand my son and father's pain along with my own. I accept this, for all of it. I've now come to peace in my heart about it. I told Vasudeva about all of this, about how I feel, and he sympathized with me. It seemed like he could share my pain. His reaction reminds me of the Buddha because he is always so calm, has peace within himself, is wise, and is always enlightened by all things. He can also be a god in my perspective. He has taught me to listen to the river more carefully. You can hear so much from it. Sounds of happiness, sadness, goodness, and evil, but in the end they all come together to make the one word Om. I can now see that my voice is with the others, and it is part of something bigger than myself. I now know what my purpose is in this world, I no longer have any doubts about it. My face is now more like Vasudeva's than I could imagine and there is a twinkle in my eye that indicates knowledge. Vasudeva saw this just as I did and told me that he's been anticipating this. After he said this, he left, going inside the forest behind us. He told me as he left that I alone am now the sole ferryman. The Son
Dear Journal,
Yesterday was dear Kamala's funeral. Our son, young Siddhartha, is with me now and sadness is within his heart. He is used to living a life of that of a rich man. That life I cannot give him. I am trying to raise him on my own without luxurious things, but it is not coming along well. He does not show much kindness towards me, and I understand his reasons for it, but nonetheless I still show him my compassion, patience, and understanding.I hope that one day he can obtain these traits in his heart, but I am not sure that he will. I also hope that one day he will join Vasudeva and I in our lives as being ferrymen. I have my doubts though, for he has ran away from me after I had asked him to gather some sticks and after he yelled at me. He told me that I was not his father no matter how many times I had shared company with his mother and that he would never accept and join my lifestyle. The morning after he left, Vasudeva and I had found that the boat was gone, left at the other side of the river, along with the money that he and I had been given as payment for bringing people back and forth across the river. We knew it had been little Siddhartha and we made a raft to take across to get the boat. We got the boat back, but before we brought it back, I left to try to find my son. I know he didn't want me to try, but I just had to. I could not find him, I looked throughout the village and went to Kamala's old garden where many of the monks were and just sat there blankly, oblivious to what was happening around me. Vasudeva soon came as he followed me and together we returned back to our hut.
Yesterday was dear Kamala's funeral. Our son, young Siddhartha, is with me now and sadness is within his heart. He is used to living a life of that of a rich man. That life I cannot give him. I am trying to raise him on my own without luxurious things, but it is not coming along well. He does not show much kindness towards me, and I understand his reasons for it, but nonetheless I still show him my compassion, patience, and understanding.I hope that one day he can obtain these traits in his heart, but I am not sure that he will. I also hope that one day he will join Vasudeva and I in our lives as being ferrymen. I have my doubts though, for he has ran away from me after I had asked him to gather some sticks and after he yelled at me. He told me that I was not his father no matter how many times I had shared company with his mother and that he would never accept and join my lifestyle. The morning after he left, Vasudeva and I had found that the boat was gone, left at the other side of the river, along with the money that he and I had been given as payment for bringing people back and forth across the river. We knew it had been little Siddhartha and we made a raft to take across to get the boat. We got the boat back, but before we brought it back, I left to try to find my son. I know he didn't want me to try, but I just had to. I could not find him, I looked throughout the village and went to Kamala's old garden where many of the monks were and just sat there blankly, oblivious to what was happening around me. Vasudeva soon came as he followed me and together we returned back to our hut. The Ferryman
I have decided to stay near the river since it holds secrets from which I may learn. I feel love for everything and recognize myself as a part of the river. Colors are around me everywhere. Things make sense to me now. I walked along the river and saw the ferryman standing in his boat and I asked him to take me to the other side when I had come 25 years ago. I praised him and offered him my clothes as a gift. I also asked if I can stay there as an assistant. The ferryman, named Vasudeva, said yes to me happily as I reentered the hut I had slept in years ago. I told him my whole life story and he replied by saying that the river is my friend and enjoys my company. It taught me how to listen and has taught my emotions to open up and embrace the world without selfish desires. I began to realize the importance of myself as a part of a greater whole. I have been taught that time doesn't exist. The river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and as the mouth, in the ocean and in the mountains; everywhere and that the present only exists for it's not the shadow of the past nor the shadow of the future. The voice of the river is the one word that I had known since my childhood that is Om, calling together the unity of all things and people at once.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
By the River
Dear Journal,
I have been wandering the forest for quite some time now, and I'm very far from the town. I feel discusted and dead inside from the past couple of years, wealth and power has taken me over. At this point I feel like nothing in the world can attract me, could give me pleasure nor solace. I just want to be at rest, in other words I want to be dead. If only a tiger would eat me! Or a flash of lightning would strike me! I reached the river in the woods, the same river which a ferryman had once taken me. I stopped and stared at the river for a long time, I was thinking about jumping in and drowning, but then i saw a cocoanut tree, I leand against it and began to pronounce "om", and suddenly I fell into a deep sleep. Once I had awakend I felt as if I was a new person. As if I had died and came to life as a new person. I feel so rejuvenated! I saw a man sleeping next to me, and he woke up as soon as I did. I recognized him, it was my old friend Govinda. He explained to me that he was on a pillgramage and he saw me sleeping so peacefully so he stayed behind and watched over me because its very dangerous to sleep in the middle of the woods. As he was leaving Ithanked him, and he asked me how I knew his name. I told him I am Siddhartha.
I have been wandering the forest for quite some time now, and I'm very far from the town. I feel discusted and dead inside from the past couple of years, wealth and power has taken me over. At this point I feel like nothing in the world can attract me, could give me pleasure nor solace. I just want to be at rest, in other words I want to be dead. If only a tiger would eat me! Or a flash of lightning would strike me! I reached the river in the woods, the same river which a ferryman had once taken me. I stopped and stared at the river for a long time, I was thinking about jumping in and drowning, but then i saw a cocoanut tree, I leand against it and began to pronounce "om", and suddenly I fell into a deep sleep. Once I had awakend I felt as if I was a new person. As if I had died and came to life as a new person. I feel so rejuvenated! I saw a man sleeping next to me, and he woke up as soon as I did. I recognized him, it was my old friend Govinda. He explained to me that he was on a pillgramage and he saw me sleeping so peacefully so he stayed behind and watched over me because its very dangerous to sleep in the middle of the woods. As he was leaving Ithanked him, and he asked me how I knew his name. I told him I am Siddhartha.
Samsara
Dear Journal,
Through the past few years I have had a different life, starting as a Samana then becoming rich. I had my own house with servants and lived the life of the rich. This is not my interest anymore, I had a dream that Kamala's song bird had died in a golden cage and I realized that the bird is me. I think these dreams mean it is time for me to move on. I need to go away, i feel dead, i need to get back on track again. I am leaving today with the clothes on my back.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Amongst The People
Dear Journal,
I've been living in Kamaswami's house and have become a merchant, but my heart is not in this. I do not wish to become savvy in the business world. Kamaswami is a good man, but the world in which he lives in is not much the same. I went to go do some business for him the other day and I did not end up getting the sale, but I stayed in the village anyways to enjoy their festival. I left on very good terms with the people and I was very content with myself when I left. Kamaswami was a bit upset, but I explained to him the benefits that came because I had stayed in the village. I visit Kamala daily and learn much from her. I have realized that her and I are very much alike because we are ourselves and no one else. I talk to her about Gotama often and she talks to me about it. Her and I both know understand that we cannot truly love another because if we did we could not be who we are today.
I've been living in Kamaswami's house and have become a merchant, but my heart is not in this. I do not wish to become savvy in the business world. Kamaswami is a good man, but the world in which he lives in is not much the same. I went to go do some business for him the other day and I did not end up getting the sale, but I stayed in the village anyways to enjoy their festival. I left on very good terms with the people and I was very content with myself when I left. Kamaswami was a bit upset, but I explained to him the benefits that came because I had stayed in the village. I visit Kamala daily and learn much from her. I have realized that her and I are very much alike because we are ourselves and no one else. I talk to her about Gotama often and she talks to me about it. Her and I both know understand that we cannot truly love another because if we did we could not be who we are today. Thursday, October 7, 2010
Kamala
Dear Journal,
I have left Gotama, I don't know where I'm going or who I'm going to meet. I've been walking in the forest for hours and hours now. Suddenly I hear this voice in my heart commanding me to seek rest under this tree. I obey the voice and lay down under the tree and fall into a deep sleep. When I woke up I asked the ferryman to take me across the river. The ferryman agreed to take me on his bamboo raft. When we got to the other side I had nothing to pay the ferryman with. But the ferryman did not expect any payment from me, he said I would give it to him some other time. I thanked him and got off. At midday I passed through a village, there were kids running around, shouting and wrestling with each other. At the end of the village there was a path alongside a brook and at the end of the brook there was a young women kneeling and washing clothes. I smiled at her and she smiled back and asked him if he had eaten. I hadn't replied when she placed her left foot on my right and made a gesture, inviting me to a kind enjoyment of love. I hesitated for a moment, then I heard an inward voice say "No!" Then all the magic disappeared and i felt nothing for her. I went stroked her cheek and walked away. I continued walking and reached a large town, then suddenly an ornamented sedan chair carried by four people passed by me. In it sat a beautiful mistress, on red cushions beneath a colored awning. She smiles at me and my heart stops. After seeing this beautiful mistress known as Kamala, I set a goal to find her. I bath in the river, get my hair cut and oiled from friendly barber and I set out to find her. I go into the forest where I finally find Kamala. I ask her if she can teach me the art of love. I soon learn though that I will learn nothing until I return wearing fine clothes and have bearing gifts. She then helps me by recommending me to her friend Kamaswani, a wealthy business man. After getting a job, I go back in search for Kamala. When she sees the changes I've made she finally accepts to teach me the art of love. We have been spending a lot of time together now that she agreed to teach me the art of love and each day I fall deeper and deeper in love with her.Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Awakening
Dear Journal,
I've left Govinda and the Perfect One, but why could I not join them? His teachings were great and sensible, but why could I not accept them? I'm thinking about it as I wander in the forest, getting further and further away from where I left my best friend. I suppose I've come to the point where I do not want a teacher anymore, I want to teach myself. I want to experience everything, I want to overcome myself, especially my ego. I know that I am different than everyone else, the normal people, yet I know so little of myself. I must find myself, I must learn the mystery of Siddhartha. I am no longer a boy from here on out. I am now a man, alone on my own quest. From now on, I'm on my own. Everything has its own glow now, I've never noticed what vivid colors lie within the forest. It's so beautiful here, this is certainly a great place to start my journey. Gotama
Dear Journal,
When we first arrived at the Jetavana grove, surrounded by monks, I immediately knew which one was the perfect one. Govinda and I went to go listen to the teachings of the Illustrious one and those words intrigued him so much that he decided to follow the perfect one. While I thought his teachings were inspiring, they did not satiate my thirst for further knowledge on attaining enlightenment. I asked the Buddha for advice about what I should do since even his words were not enough for me. He told me to follow my instincts and to be careful with both my ceaseless thirst for knowledge and my cleverness. After our conversation, I took my leave and lost myself in the woods.
When we first arrived at the Jetavana grove, surrounded by monks, I immediately knew which one was the perfect one. Govinda and I went to go listen to the teachings of the Illustrious one and those words intrigued him so much that he decided to follow the perfect one. While I thought his teachings were inspiring, they did not satiate my thirst for further knowledge on attaining enlightenment. I asked the Buddha for advice about what I should do since even his words were not enough for me. He told me to follow my instincts and to be careful with both my ceaseless thirst for knowledge and my cleverness. After our conversation, I took my leave and lost myself in the woods. Sunday, October 3, 2010
With the Samanas
Dear Journal,
Now I have left my home, I am with Govinda and the samanas. We hardly eat, we walk from the forest into villages begging for food. We only eat once a day and fast for 14 days. i have been learning much about self denial and meditation, and with this knowledge I want to become empty of everything. I wanted to let the self die because when there is no longer self the great secret of life is left. Although I have learned this, I still haven't found what I am looking for. So Govinda and I are leaving with the blessing of the eldest samana. Govinda heard earlier throughout the day that Gotama, the Buddha, was near and that he wanted to seek him out to hear his teachings.
Now I have left my home, I am with Govinda and the samanas. We hardly eat, we walk from the forest into villages begging for food. We only eat once a day and fast for 14 days. i have been learning much about self denial and meditation, and with this knowledge I want to become empty of everything. I wanted to let the self die because when there is no longer self the great secret of life is left. Although I have learned this, I still haven't found what I am looking for. So Govinda and I are leaving with the blessing of the eldest samana. Govinda heard earlier throughout the day that Gotama, the Buddha, was near and that he wanted to seek him out to hear his teachings.
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